Tag Archives: humor

Social Media Guru of the Month – Sign up today!

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Is your social media guru getting a little stale?

Is he or she starting to repeat himself?

Is he filling the void with too much hot air and not enough new thinking about social?

Is she talking more about how she ‘tweets up’ with #rockstar tweeps like @unmarketing, @dannybrown or @lizstrauss than she is about your business issues?

Well, at PrincessTweep Laboratory, we’ve got the solution!

Starting now, for a low monthly fee of only $99, you can refresh your guru every month with our new service SocialMediaGuruoftheMonth.com.

It’s kind of like renting a handbag but instead of a Chloe you get a Guru!

Or for those of you who never heard of a Chloe, it’s like signing up for the beer for the month club – you drink what they’ve got to offer and when you’re done you throw them away!

What could be more thrilling than knowing that just as you tire of your Guru, a new one is on the way! Better yet, all of our gurus are available by SKYPE 24/7 – so you never have to actually go out of YOUR way to get their advice!

In fact, some like to say that SocialMediaGuruoftheMonth.com is the Match.com of social media – endless dating without the annoying hassles of the long term commitment.

So what are you waiting for?

Have a specific need? You can choose from a variety of subspecialties: Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Gowalla, Friendster, and much, much more!  You can be more effective and spend more time on the golf course when you’ve got your Social Media Guru of the Month ready at your beck and call to answer your most pressing questions such as:

  • Does my company really need a social media strategy?
  • What’s the ROI on social media?
  • How can I tell a real social media guru from a phony one?
  • Has Zuck crossed over to the dark side?
  • Is Fivecircle the next Foursquare?

But wait, there’s more! Much More!

For an additional $49 a month, we’ll send you two gurus a month. In total, that’s only $74 per guru per month. Just imagine what you can do with two gurus! The possibilities are endless!

But wait, there’s EVEN more! Just sign-up today and we’ll throw in a complimentary 2011 Men of Social Media Calendar when they come out. Regardless of your orientation, there is something for everyone! And, if you’re asking yourself is she serious? Are our guys really “calendar grade?” Can they compete with the US Men’s Soccer Team? Judging from what we’ve seen — they sure can!!  In fact, we suspect that more than a few gals and guys will be wondering – “So is @PeteCashmore really as good looking as his avatar picture? I wonder what he’s wearing in the calendar?” or “why haven’t I been following @scottharrison?”

So what are you waiting for???? Call now for instant delivery. Or find us online at SocialMediaGuruoftheMonth.com and review the profiles of our gurus for free!

Money back guarantee. Postage and handling extra. We take PayPal, Visa, Mastercard, American Express, iPad 3Gs, Androids and other assorted bribes.

Social Media Guru Robbed After Using Foursquare

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Social media experts across the planet were shocked when they learned that one of their own was robbed after using Foursquare, the location-based social networking game.  It seems that the new service PleaseRobMe.com is to blame.  PleaseRobMe.com helps robbers locate people who constantly tell everyone when they are away from home and, as such, deserve to be robbed.  For the shocking truth about this new service as documented by Mashable, click here.

It’s not clear whether Princess Tweep, who is best known as a leading #FunAgent, should be laughing or crying after robbers stole her relationship baggage from the closet in her guest bedroom.

“That baggage was with me for a long time. And, it’s played an important role in preventing me from moving forward with my life,” said Princess Tweep in a rare interview.

Witnesses say that Tweep might have been asking for this to happen since she invited robbers to take the relationship baggage earlier in the week.

“It was just a joke” said Tweep, defending her actions. “Everyone was doing it.”

So what precisely happened?

“Well, I was ‘checking in’ on Foursquare all over town today. I know it’s risky — but I lost one of my mayorships last week and I’m not going to let that happen again.” said Tweep. “Foursquare is very competitive.”

“When I came home, the door was ajar. It was strange, because I felt a little lighter, almost euphoric, upon entering the house – like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders.”


“I was overjoyed to finally be rid of all this baggage…until I realized they forgot something. I feel like the robbers were taunting me,” she said. “It’s just cruel to leave this behind.”




In a televised plea, Princess Tweep begged the robbers to come back and take the last remaining bag. “I’m happy to have it delivered to you. Just tweet me your location. No questions asked.”

Ironically, it’s Princess Tweep who may get the last laugh as the secondary market for relationship baggage is quite limited.  Said the Police Chief, “Chances are they will have trouble offloading it, and it’ll end up screwing up their lives like it did hers.”

When asked if the robbery will change her behavior in the future, Tweep replied:

“Yes, absolutely, next time I asked to be robbed, I’ll be more clear in my Tweets, so they do a better job..”

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Google Releases gSpot Just in Time for Valentine’s Day

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Google Releases gSpot Just in Time for Valentine’s Day

Despite current events, world happiness now at an all time high

For Immediate Release

February 14, 2010

It’s been a big week for Google. In the wake of Google Buzz (For Those Who Don’t Like Privacy™), and Google Fiber (Keeps the World Going and Going and Going™) Google released yet another powerhorse app to its growing suite of products.

This geolocation application, aptly named gSpot, was released this morning, just in time for Valentine’s Day.  gSpot shares a woman’s gSpot coordinates with all followers and automatically provides real time updates across all the major social networks and by text message.  By default it’s fully integrated with Gmail, Google Reader, and Google Buzz.

The gSpot site was intermittently down today as droves of women flocked to the site to claim the locations of their gSpots, while men set out to follow as many women as possible.

So far no concerns about privacy have been reported. In fact, women across the globe were thrilled to share this information.

Here are some quotes:

“It’s about time Google came out with something like this. It’s been a long, dry road up to now.”

“I finally have a chance for true satisfaction. Thanks Google.”

“If this is what social networking is all about, then count me in!”


Reaction from the men was equally as enthusiastic.

“This takes out the guesswork and saves time. It’s a win-win”

“What a great concept. It’s like gSpot for dummies. Ha Ha.”

“My home life has been SO much better after we tried gSpot. What a difference!”


In less than a day, the number of gSpot users has surpassed the number of Facebook users, proving that there is still plenty of room for another social network.

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#NeverStealAnotherWomansBoyfriend (or It Doesn’t Take Much to be a Social Media Expert)

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I went to a conference last week and ran into this woman I hadn’t seen in about 20 years.

Actually, she was the one who stole my college boyfriend. I have to say she looked like she had put on some weight…that, and her hair was really frizzy.

Trust me, I’m not being catty.

…Ok, well, maybe a little.

She deserves it as far as I’m concerned. If it weren’t for her, I’d probably have already been married and divorced by now.

So anyway we were talking and I said, “Mary, what kind of work do you do?”

And she says, “Well, I’m a social media consultant.”

I said, “Really? I am too. What a coincidence. What’s your Twitter name?”

The conversation was going ok until she said, “I’m going to be conducting a series of Twitter training sessions to get 200 people at this large agency downtown up to speed on Twitter.”

And I was like, “Wow, really, that sounds impressive, you must really be a rockstar on Twitter, I’m surprised I’m not following you.”

And she responded, “Well, actually, I just got on Twitter a month ago.”

Um…time out.  Excuse me? Seriously? Are you kidding?

As you can imagine, I was having a MAJOR disconnect. I mean, I’m an actual Twitter expert, and I don’t have a gig like that.

Anyway, we ended up exchanging business cards.

As. If. We. Liked. Each. Other.

Just as an aside, she could really use a higher quality business card. #canyousaycheesy

Anyway, the next day I get a call from her, and she says, “Since I’m starting that social media training tomorrow I was wondering if I could pick your brain. Can you show me Tweetdeck?”

Obviously, I was thinking, WTF, how is she going to teach Twitter if she doesn’t even know how to use something as basic as Tweetdeck?

So, at first, I almost said, yes, sure I’ll help you out (like an idiot) –  but then…

I came to my senses and said, “Well, unfortunately, I’m leaving in an hour to catch a plane to Geneva. I’m giving a social media lecture at a conference for 1000 global warming scientists. They want me to help them use social media to solve our climate crisis. So, sorry, but I think you might be able to pull up some good tutorials on Google. Ciao!”

After that, naturally, I was kind of pissed ‘cuz I wasn’t really going to Geneva. Are you with me?

I really needed to let off some steam, so I decided to walk into town.

I did a little window shopping, and then, after depositing my unemployment check, I sat on a bench, unwrapped the Swiss chocolate bar that I got at Walgreen’s, and sent her an @reply that said “Hey @Marysoandso, sorry I wasn’t available to teach you TweetDeck today.”

#faketweeps #ilookbetterthanshedoes #hewasbadinbedanyway