I went to a conference last week and ran into this woman I hadn’t seen in about 20 years.
Actually, she was the one who stole my college boyfriend. I have to say she looked like she had put on some weight…that, and her hair was really frizzy.
Trust me, I’m not being catty.
…Ok, well, maybe a little.
She deserves it as far as I’m concerned. If it weren’t for her, I’d probably have already been married and divorced by now.
So anyway we were talking and I said, “Mary, what kind of work do you do?”
And she says, “Well, I’m a social media consultant.”
I said, “Really? I am too. What a coincidence. What’s your Twitter name?”
The conversation was going ok until she said, “I’m going to be conducting a series of Twitter training sessions to get 200 people at this large agency downtown up to speed on Twitter.”
And I was like, “Wow, really, that sounds impressive, you must really be a rockstar on Twitter, I’m surprised I’m not following you.”
And she responded, “Well, actually, I just got on Twitter a month ago.”
Um…time out. Excuse me? Seriously? Are you kidding?
As you can imagine, I was having a MAJOR disconnect. I mean, I’m an actual Twitter expert, and I don’t have a gig like that.
Anyway, we ended up exchanging business cards.
As. If. We. Liked. Each. Other.
Just as an aside, she could really use a higher quality business card. #canyousaycheesy
Anyway, the next day I get a call from her, and she says, “Since I’m starting that social media training tomorrow I was wondering if I could pick your brain. Can you show me Tweetdeck?”
Obviously, I was thinking, WTF, how is she going to teach Twitter if she doesn’t even know how to use something as basic as Tweetdeck?
So, at first, I almost said, yes, sure I’ll help you out (like an idiot) — but then…
I came to my senses and said, “Well, unfortunately, I’m leaving in an hour to catch a plane to Geneva. I’m giving a social media lecture at a conference for 1000 global warming scientists. They want me to help them use social media to solve our climate crisis. So, sorry, but I think you might be able to pull up some good tutorials on Google. Ciao!”
After that, naturally, I was kind of pissed ‘cuz I wasn’t really going to Geneva. Are you with me?
I really needed to let off some steam, so I decided to walk into town.
I did a little window shopping, and then, after depositing my unemployment check, I sat on a bench, unwrapped the Swiss chocolate bar that I got at Walgreen’s, and sent her an @reply that said “Hey @Marysoandso, sorry I wasn’t available to teach you TweetDeck today.”
#faketweeps #ilookbetterthanshedoes #hewasbadinbedanyway