In what can only be perceived as a bad omen, potentially of epic proportions, Facebook lost approximately .0000000000000000001% of its daily visitors as people shifted their discussion of worn out social media observations and pictures of their lunch from Facebook to Google +. Internet users around the planet were shocked, but not as shocked as Zuck, who didn’t lose any opportunity to jump on the bandwagon and save himself from himself. Google + must be agreeing with him – we think he looks relatively happy compared to his usual, or maybe it’s just that the Winkelvoss twins have finally backed off.
While it appears on the surface as if a mass migration is taking place, our in–depth PLUS+™ investigation uncovered the truth — only social media gurus and early adopters have ventured over to Google +, while the rest of the world continued on with their daily lives in apparent oblivion. As one observant normal person said “Google plus what?” Princess Tweep tried to explain:
It’s not surprising that social tweeps are showing the love to Google +, despite the stupid name which requires the use the <shift> key. That’s probably because Google is well, Google. The market is still optimistic that they’ll eventually hit it right someday with social networking. And, it might as well be now because the pain of Google Buzz and Gspot are finally a distant memory. Plus, let’s face it, there hasn’t been much to really talk about lately — that is if you exclude major world events. But, hey, as long as YOU have a job, who really cares about that stuff anyway?!
Anyway, in an effort to rescue Zuck from his fate as an obvious future has been, Princess Tweep could no longer sit on the side lines of Corporate America and watch from afar. She felt that she just had to take action.
However, let’s be clear that we’re not really sure about her true motivations. Was it really about Zuck? Some are hypothesizing that her interest in helping Zuck was more about her large investment in custom Facebook apps that were the “must have” toy of 2010. Others think she was just looking for attention and had felt that her fan base had forgotten about her during her time away, first in Tweehab, then in Corporate America. Though, some claim her disappearance was really due to some previously undisclosed troubles resulting from her attempt to register her belly button as a Foursquare check-in spot. We’ll have to go into that another day. However, in an interview this week, Tweep claimed that she really just loves a great underdog story. Remember Rocky?
We may never know her real reasons for helping Zuck, but we’re hearing that most members of the twibe, including an unusually large number of bill collectors, were happy that Tweep had reemerged.
So, after taking off her pantyhose and orchestrating an exuberant flash mob dance party in Times Square, to which more than 20,000 people showed up to help her celebrate the return of her altruistic spirit, she immediately contacted former MySpace and Friendster executives to pull them together for a planning session on exit strategies for Zuck in the event of Google world domination as a best case scenario.
One of the executives, who was sitting at home in his underwear watching old episodes of the Sopranos when the call came in, made his feelings clear:
In a display of unintentional irony, they met at an undisclosed coffee shop and participated in a Google Hangout session from their Xoom tablets. We guess it never occurred to anyone that the meeting could be conducted remotely. Also, so as not to raise awareness of their activities among the other patrons, only sign language was used for the video chat. We’re trying to imagine this as no photos have turned up yet. Unfortunately, we don’t know the salient details of the discussion, but we do know they were there for awhile, and after a lot of arm flailing they agreed on a plan which was uploaded to Google Docs. We also know that considering the unfortunate circumstances of the group, Tweep graciously paid for everyone’s coffee.
So, have we learned any lessons here? The truth is no – we really don’t know much. It’s anyone’s guess as to what is going to happen to Facebook now that Google + is the new darling of social media. We did hear a rumor that Princess Tweep may be hedging her bets after some blurry photos of a hoodie wearing Tweep emerged from the security cameras at Google HQ.
Next week: Princess Tweep rallies around Twitter as + sized fears migrate to other platforms.