Archive for category: adventures

Social media #funagent Tweep enlists help of former MySpace executives to help save Facebook from Google +

09 Jul
July 9, 2011

In what can only be perceived as a bad omen, potentially of epic proportions, Facebook lost approximately .0000000000000000001% of its daily visitors as people shifted their discussion of worn out social media observations and pictures of their lunch from Facebook to Google +.  Internet users around the planet were shocked, but not as shocked as Zuck, who didn’t lose any opportunity to jump on the bandwagon and save himself from himself.  Google + must be agreeing with him – we think he looks relatively happy compared to his usual, or maybe it’s just that the Winkelvoss twins have finally backed off.

While it appears on the surface as if a mass migration is taking place, our in–depth PLUS+™ investigation uncovered the truth — only social media gurus and early adopters have ventured over to Google +, while the rest of the world continued on with their daily lives in apparent oblivion. As one observant normal person said “Google plus what?” Princess Tweep tried to explain:

It’s not surprising that social tweeps are showing the love to Google +, despite the stupid name which requires the use the <shift> key.  That’s probably because Google is well, Google. The market is still optimistic that they’ll eventually hit it right someday with social networking.  And, it might as well be now because the pain of Google Buzz and Gspot are finally a distant memory.  Plus, let’s face it, there hasn’t been much to really talk about lately — that is if you exclude major world events. But, hey, as long as YOU have a job, who really cares about that stuff anyway?!

Anyway, in an effort to rescue Zuck from his fate as an obvious future has been, Princess Tweep could no longer sit on the side lines of Corporate America and watch from afar. She felt that she just had to take action.

However, let’s be clear that we’re not really sure about her true motivations. Was it really about Zuck? Some are hypothesizing that her interest in helping Zuck was more about her large investment in custom Facebook apps that were the “must have” toy of 2010. Others think she was just looking for attention and had felt that her fan base had forgotten about her during her time away, first in Tweehab,  then in Corporate America. Though, some claim her disappearance was really due to some previously undisclosed troubles resulting from her attempt to register her belly button as a Foursquare check-in spot. We’ll have to go into that another day. However, in an interview this week, Tweep claimed that she really just loves a great underdog story.  Remember Rocky?

We may never know her real reasons for helping Zuck, but we’re hearing that most members of the twibe, including an unusually large number of bill collectors, were happy that Tweep had reemerged.

So, after taking off her pantyhose and orchestrating an exuberant flash mob dance party in Times Square, to which more than 20,000 people showed up to help her celebrate the return of her altruistic spirit, she immediately contacted former MySpace and Friendster executives to pull them together for a planning session on exit strategies for Zuck in the event of Google world domination as a best case scenario.

One of the executives, who was sitting at home in his underwear watching old episodes of the Sopranos when the call came in, made his feelings clear:

In a display of unintentional irony, they met at an undisclosed coffee shop and participated in a Google Hangout session from their Xoom tablets.  We guess it never occurred to anyone that the meeting could be conducted remotely.  Also,  so as not to raise awareness of their activities among the other patrons,  only sign language was used for the video chat.  We’re trying to imagine this as no photos have turned up yet.  Unfortunately, we don’t know the salient details of the discussion, but we do know they were there for awhile, and after a lot of arm flailing they agreed on a plan which was uploaded to Google Docs.  We also know that considering the unfortunate circumstances of the group, Tweep graciously paid for everyone’s coffee.

So, have we learned any lessons here? The truth is no – we really don’t know much. It’s anyone’s guess as to what is going to happen to Facebook now that Google + is the new darling of social media.  We did hear a rumor that Princess Tweep may be hedging her bets after some blurry photos of a hoodie wearing Tweep emerged from the security cameras at Google HQ.

Next week: Princess Tweep rallies around Twitter as + sized fears migrate to other platforms.

Social Media Guru of the Month – Sign up today!

17 Aug
August 17, 2010

Is your social media guru getting a little stale?

Is he or she starting to repeat himself?

Is he filling the void with too much hot air and not enough new thinking about social?

Is she talking more about how she ‘tweets up’ with #rockstar tweeps like @unmarketing, @dannybrown or @lizstrauss than she is about your business issues?

Well, at PrincessTweep Laboratory, we’ve got the solution!

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It’s kind of like renting a handbag but instead of a Chloe you get a Guru!

Or for those of you who never heard of a Chloe, it’s like signing up for the beer for the month club – you drink what they’ve got to offer and when you’re done you throw them away!

What could be more thrilling than knowing that just as you tire of your Guru, a new one is on the way! Better yet, all of our gurus are available by SKYPE 24/7 – so you never have to actually go out of YOUR way to get their advice!

In fact, some like to say that is the of social media – endless dating without the annoying hassles of the long term commitment.

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Have a specific need? You can choose from a variety of subspecialties: Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Gowalla, Friendster, and much, much more!  You can be more effective and spend more time on the golf course when you’ve got your Social Media Guru of the Month ready at your beck and call to answer your most pressing questions such as:

  • Does my company really need a social media strategy?
  • What’s the ROI on social media?
  • How can I tell a real social media guru from a phony one?
  • Has Zuck crossed over to the dark side?
  • Is Fivecircle the next Foursquare?

But wait, there’s more! Much More!

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Princess Tweep enters Tweehab After Tweeting Bender

04 Mar
March 4, 2010

Breaking News! On Thursday morning, Princess Tweep checked herself into the TweeHab Center in La Tweela, CA after an excessive tweeting bender that nearly killed her.

“I feel I owe it to my twibe to try to get better,” she said in a short statement, “I have a long road ahead of me. ”

This isn’t the first time that Tweep, who is best known as a trusted #FunAgent and acclaimed social media guru, has succumbed to the seduction of Twitter and the other social networking tools that have propelled her to internet fame and enormous popularity in social media circles.

Tweep did a stint at TweeHab back in 2008 after her boyfriend discovered her posting status updates to Facebook on her iPhone while hiding in his mother’s linen closet during a family dinner.

Then, in 2009, she spent two months in TweeHab after someone reported her repeatedly checking into Foursquare from each and every one of the restroom stalls at a large football stadium in attempt to ensure that she stayed at the top of the Foursquare rankings.

This time, Princess Tweep apparently took @GaryVee’s advice to heart and in an effort to Crush It she decided to take her personal brand to the next level by becoming the highest volume tweeter in history.

Unfortunately, no one could have imagined the consequences.

Here’s the bizarre story:

Over a one month period, Tweep tweeted out nearly 100,000 tweets to an audience of amazed followers.

“It was an incredible run,” said one admirer. “She’s a role model for all aspiring social media gurus.” said another. “I was in awe.”

However, as fate would have it she was closing in on 100k tweets when things took a turn for the worse.

Apparently, shortly after making her 99,999th tweet, Tweep was so excited and inspired by her own success that she fired up some Michael Jackson and started dancing joyously around her house in giddy anticipation of reaching her goal.

Suddenly, in a moment of outlandish recklessness, Tweep attempted to moonwalk while making the 100,000th tweet from her phone. Unfortunately, before she could press the send button, she inadvertently stepped on Mr. Twitty’s tail.  Here’s what happened next:

When the paramedics arrived, Tweep was only partially coherent.  Sources say she was laying on the floor with the speaker jutting out of her forehead. She could be heard faintly singing “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” before passing out.

“I don’t think this is what Gary Vee had in mind when he said to “crush it.” said her best friend.

One of the paramedics said he had never seen a scene quite so shocking.

“Despite the injury, there was really nothing there. No blood, no nothing. Apparently, she had already tweeted out every thought she had and so, consequently, there was nothing left inside her brain. It was very disturbing.”

“The stress must have been incredible,” said one friend. “I’m not surprised she had nothing left. In the hours before the accident, she started recycling tweets, something she had never done in her 3 years on Twitter.  She was desperate.”

Some thought that a timely intervention could have prevented this accident in the first place.

One disillusioned fan explained, “As her popularity soared she had little time to lead a normal life due to the demands of keeping her twibe up to date with her every move. Witnesses say she eventually stopped eating, drinking and even showering because she didn’t want to let her twibe down.  Instead, she was fueled by the great sucking up sound of the twibe. It was sad to see her spiral downward like that.”

After being treated for a head wound, Tweep was taken to the Tweehab Center to begin several weeks of intensive therapy. The Twitter addiction program at the TweeHab Center is one of the finest in the country.

“She’ll have to relearn many pre-Twitter behaviors such as actually talking to people in person and walking without tweeting from her phone,” said the facility director.  “It’s very challenging case, but we expect her to fully recover.”

For those followers who want to send well wishes to Tweep, we’re sorry to inform you that you will have to send them the old fashion way, through snail mail.  Inbound and outbound Tweets are not allowed during Tweehab.  We’re sure you will understand that this is for the safety of the patient.

Stay tuned to this site for more updates and future in-depth analysis of this incredible story in the weeks to come.

Social Media Guru Robbed After Using Foursquare

19 Feb
February 19, 2010

Social media experts across the planet were shocked when they learned that one of their own was robbed after using Foursquare, the location-based social networking game.  It seems that the new service is to blame. helps robbers locate people who constantly tell everyone when they are away from home and, as such, deserve to be robbed.  For the shocking truth about this new service as documented by Mashable, click here.

It’s not clear whether Princess Tweep, who is best known as a leading #FunAgent, should be laughing or crying after robbers stole her relationship baggage from the closet in her guest bedroom.

“That baggage was with me for a long time. And, it’s played an important role in preventing me from moving forward with my life,” said Princess Tweep in a rare interview.

Witnesses say that Tweep might have been asking for this to happen since she invited robbers to take the relationship baggage earlier in the week.

“It was just a joke” said Tweep, defending her actions. “Everyone was doing it.”

So what precisely happened?

“Well, I was ‘checking in’ on Foursquare all over town today. I know it’s risky — but I lost one of my mayorships last week and I’m not going to let that happen again.” said Tweep. “Foursquare is very competitive.”

“When I came home, the door was ajar. It was strange, because I felt a little lighter, almost euphoric, upon entering the house – like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders.”

“I was overjoyed to finally be rid of all this baggage…until I realized they forgot something. I feel like the robbers were taunting me,” she said. “It’s just cruel to leave this behind.”

In a televised plea, Princess Tweep begged the robbers to come back and take the last remaining bag. “I’m happy to have it delivered to you. Just tweet me your location. No questions asked.”

Ironically, it’s Princess Tweep who may get the last laugh as the secondary market for relationship baggage is quite limited.  Said the Police Chief, “Chances are they will have trouble offloading it, and it’ll end up screwing up their lives like it did hers.”

When asked if the robbery will change her behavior in the future, Tweep replied:

“Yes, absolutely, next time I asked to be robbed, I’ll be more clear in my Tweets, so they do a better job..”


Google Releases gSpot Just in Time for Valentine’s Day

14 Feb
February 14, 2010

Google Releases gSpot Just in Time for Valentine’s Day

Despite current events, world happiness now at an all time high

For Immediate Release

February 14, 2010

It’s been a big week for Google. In the wake of Google Buzz (For Those Who Don’t Like Privacy™), and Google Fiber (Keeps the World Going and Going and Going™) Google released yet another powerhorse app to its growing suite of products.

This geolocation application, aptly named gSpot, was released this morning, just in time for Valentine’s Day.  gSpot shares a woman’s gSpot coordinates with all followers and automatically provides real time updates across all the major social networks and by text message.  By default it’s fully integrated with Gmail, Google Reader, and Google Buzz.

The gSpot site was intermittently down today as droves of women flocked to the site to claim the locations of their gSpots, while men set out to follow as many women as possible.

So far no concerns about privacy have been reported. In fact, women across the globe were thrilled to share this information.

Here are some quotes:

“It’s about time Google came out with something like this. It’s been a long, dry road up to now.”

“I finally have a chance for true satisfaction. Thanks Google.”

“If this is what social networking is all about, then count me in!”

Reaction from the men was equally as enthusiastic.

“This takes out the guesswork and saves time. It’s a win-win”

“What a great concept. It’s like gSpot for dummies. Ha Ha.”

“My home life has been SO much better after we tried gSpot. What a difference!”

In less than a day, the number of gSpot users has surpassed the number of Facebook users, proving that there is still plenty of room for another social network.