Princess Tweep enters Tweehab After Tweeting Bender

Breaking News! On Thursday morning, Princess Tweep checked herself into the TweeHab Center in La Tweela, CA after an excessive tweeting bender that nearly killed her.

“I feel I owe it to my twibe to try to get better,” she said in a short statement, “I have a long road ahead of me. ”

This isn’t the first time that Tweep, who is best known as a trusted #FunAgent and acclaimed social media guru, has succumbed to the seduction of Twitter and the other social networking tools that have propelled her to internet fame and enormous popularity in social media circles.

Tweep did a stint at TweeHab back in 2008 after her boyfriend discovered her posting status updates to Facebook on her iPhone while hiding in his mother’s linen closet during a family dinner.

Then, in 2009, she spent two months in TweeHab after someone reported her repeatedly checking into Foursquare from each and every one of the restroom stalls at a large football stadium in attempt to ensure that she stayed at the top of the Foursquare rankings.

This time, Princess Tweep apparently took @GaryVee’s advice to heart and in an effort to Crush It she decided to take her personal brand to the next level by becoming the highest volume tweeter in history.

Unfortunately, no one could have imagined the consequences.

Here’s the bizarre story:

Over a one month period, Tweep tweeted out nearly 100,000 tweets to an audience of amazed followers.

“It was an incredible run,” said one admirer. “She’s a role model for all aspiring social media gurus.” said another. “I was in awe.”

However, as fate would have it she was closing in on 100k tweets when things took a turn for the worse.

Apparently, shortly after making her 99,999th tweet, Tweep was so excited and inspired by her own success that she fired up some Michael Jackson and started dancing joyously around her house in giddy anticipation of reaching her goal.

Suddenly, in a moment of outlandish recklessness, Tweep attempted to moonwalk while making the 100,000th tweet from her phone. Unfortunately, before she could press the send button, she inadvertently stepped on Mr. Twitty’s tail.  Here’s what happened next:

When the paramedics arrived, Tweep was only partially coherent.  Sources say she was laying on the floor with the speaker jutting out of her forehead. She could be heard faintly singing “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” before passing out.

“I don’t think this is what Gary Vee had in mind when he said to “crush it.” said her best friend.

One of the paramedics said he had never seen a scene quite so shocking.

“Despite the injury, there was really nothing there. No blood, no nothing. Apparently, she had already tweeted out every thought she had and so, consequently, there was nothing left inside her brain. It was very disturbing.”

“The stress must have been incredible,” said one friend. “I’m not surprised she had nothing left. In the hours before the accident, she started recycling tweets, something she had never done in her 3 years on Twitter.  She was desperate.”

Some thought that a timely intervention could have prevented this accident in the first place.

One disillusioned fan explained, “As her popularity soared she had little time to lead a normal life due to the demands of keeping her twibe up to date with her every move. Witnesses say she eventually stopped eating, drinking and even showering because she didn’t want to let her twibe down.  Instead, she was fueled by the great sucking up sound of the twibe. It was sad to see her spiral downward like that.”

After being treated for a head wound, Tweep was taken to the Tweehab Center to begin several weeks of intensive therapy. The Twitter addiction program at the TweeHab Center is one of the finest in the country.

“She’ll have to relearn many pre-Twitter behaviors such as actually talking to people in person and walking without tweeting from her phone,” said the facility director.  “It’s very challenging case, but we expect her to fully recover.”

For those followers who want to send well wishes to Tweep, we’re sorry to inform you that you will have to send them the old fashion way, through snail mail.  Inbound and outbound Tweets are not allowed during Tweehab.  We’re sure you will understand that this is for the safety of the patient.

Stay tuned to this site for more updates and future in-depth analysis of this incredible story in the weeks to come.

5 Comments

  1. Leslie

    I KNEW you were too quiet lately and that your dearth of tweets meant something. Did you meet u know who in tweehab?

  2. Rachel Levy

    Where’s Mr. Twitty going to stay? Hopefully with me… you KNOW how much I love him 🙂

  3. Leslie

    Give it up, Tweep, who else is in tweehab, c’mon. Ashton? Ellen? Inquiring minds want to know. I promise not to tell anyone. Is Tiger there? I think all that sex rehab stuff is just a cover up for a twitter addiction.

  4. Miss LT

    I had a twitter party with my little sister… she flew from vermont to puerto rico so we could tweet our 5k together 🙂 since then I’ve been calm…

  5. Pingback: Welcome to the Twibe | Net Change Week 2011

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